My comment to the "Hug"

I have been reading Niki's blogs "Touch Hunger" and "What's in a Hug?". I want to add my comment. Instead of posting it as a comment to her blog, I decided to tell my story here.

One of the worst things about being alone (divorced or single) is the loneliness. The lack of human contact. Yes, the conversation but more the touch. There is no one there to give comfort when you are having a bad day at work. There is no one to give a hug just because. After many years, I still struggle with this. I am a person that needs that touch. Most days I can keep the desire at bay. But every once in awhile, I am just not strong enough to controll that wanting and every thing comes crashing down.

Case in point: In late May, a friend's son was killed in action in Iraq. It has been a hard time of grieving. But her recovery has started. Last Wednesday night was her first time back at church since this happened. I had gone to where she was sitting to speak to her and church started. First, I felt it would be rude to move to another place, so I sit with her and her husband. He, through his grief was being her support. I kept noticing that he held her hand or laid his hand on her leg or put his arm around her all the way through the class. It did not take me long to notice my feelings about this. I kept sitting there thinking that (at this point in my life) if I suffered a loss of a loved one, I would not have that someone to provide that desired compassion. The unspoken love, comfort, compassion that comes from that touch. It sadden me for the rest of the evening. I have mentioned this to several people over the years by saying that I wished I had a husband who would give me that "touching" support. Their response usually is that their husband does not do that. This saddens me because we all need the chemisty that comes from human touch.

On the brighter side of this: The one good thing about the place where I work is that I work with a woman in her mid 60's. She is the "touchy-feelly" grandmother and she loves to give hugs and to rub your back (like a mini massage). She greeted me the other day by saying "I have not touched you today." I have gotten where I look forward to her hugs and I have found I miss them if she has not "greeted" me for a few days.

So----Here's my hug for you today. It will have to do until we are together for a real one.